Tuesday, January 21, 2014

I quit Monday...

Yep, I did. I told Aaron, my mom, my dad and even the kids that I was done. This stuff is hard and definitely not for the weak. I was feeling very weak and just didn't want to do it anymore. Even though I know it's not an option to quit and knowingly dip back into the sinfulness of being a bad steward, I really wanted to. I didn't want to go shop; I just didn't want to keep going with this plan. What I really didn't want to do is replenish, yet again, the $1,000 emergency fund. We've already replenished it twice and now I have to do it again - all because of my car. We haven't had a repair bill on her in almost a year but it seems like ever since I've tucked the emergency fund away, I'm getting hit over and over again with repair bills. 

Aaron was so frustrated with me. He kept saying that having the emergency fund is supposed to eliminate stress, not add to it, yet I find it SO stressful to have to take from it. The three car repairs have been especially frustrating because the mechanic we have seems to be guessing at the problem. The last thing I want to do is replace parts that I don't need, especially when we're H-bend on getting out from under the credit card debt. 

I need to find a way to figure out how I can use the emergency fund on an emergency without feeling stressed. I want that peace!  My dad thinks I'm frustrated because having to stop the debt snowball makes my numbers and projected debt-free date off. That could be.  My mom thought I was having a hard time because I haven't had a dependable car to be able to get out. That could be too. Maybe it's a big combination. 

I woke up this morning with a changed heart. I suppose I owe everyone an apology for being a big baby. I suppose I could not blog about the down times, but I want to be able to look back and be reminded of the struggles, not just the easy times. Sorry for ranting!

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